Baby Gift Sets - Teach Your Child the Value of Caring

By Mandie Klein

You should teach your kids the value of 'caring'. And you must be able to raise kids that genuinely empathize with the people around them. Sad to say, this goal is not too easy to accomplish anymore, not when there is too much violence and apathy in these modern times, and not when you can't totally shield your child from the negative influence of the media.

But don't get discouraged just yet. Every child is hardwired to care for other people. You only need to tap this innate tendency and you are well on your way to raising a caring child.

The Good News

Researchers have discovered a wonderful thing - people are born endowed with empathy. As a matter of fact, a study found 21-month old children already display empathy when seeing their parents upset. And another study that has been published in the American Psychological Association's (APA) Developmental Psychology journal shows that even children who are known to be aggressive actually show concern for others. As it seems, you don't have to teach your kids to care at all, not when it's inherent in them.

The Bad News

The bad news is that the inherent concern in children may actually wane over time. Look around you and you will see the proof. As it seems, you do have to exert conscious efforts and actually teach your child to care.

Experts say that supportive and warm parenting provides the foundation necessary to raise caring kids. The rule is to avoid being overly strict and unreasonable with your rules. As experts would have it, parents who fail to be reasonable and consistent with their rules and who strongly express their disappointment and anger toward their children are less likely to raise prosocial kids.

Take Control

This should not end with bad news. The good news is that you can take control and actually watch your child grow up to be a caring and empathetic individual. The following tips should help you out:

Practice what you preach.

You should set a good example. Show your kids that you are caring. One of the major ways children learn is through 'imitation'. You must use this to your advantage. Take every chance to help as much as possible. Be an active and contributing member in your community. And keep your kids involved in your efforts.

Communicate with your children effectively, especially when trying to discipline them. When you catch your child doing something that's not so nice, do reprimand him. But make sure that you chastise him for his actions and not for who he is. Don't say "you are bad". Instead, tell him that his action is bad and that he should not do it again. Do not hurt your child's self-worth by condemning his whole being due to a single misdemeanor.

Teach your child to respect everyone around him.

Early on, you must already teach your child the value of interacting with others the proper way. Teach him to respect everyone around him. The best avenue to do this is during playtime and with the aid of tools like baby gift sets.

Give your child baby gift sets that are made to be shared. Also, teach your child to be nurturing to his younger peers or siblings by offering his own baby gift sets. You can also teach your child to add more value to what he has to give by teaching him to create his own personalized baby gift sets.

Your baby gift sets offer a simple start. Nurturing a caring child is a long-term effort that promises lifetime benefits.

Shop for the best baby gift sets around. Consider a unique baby gift as baby shower party gifts Visit BabyLandGifts.com today.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Mandie_Klein

The Tricky Brain - A Look at Children and Self Esteem

By Anahid Shahrik

There are 2 ways to get high self esteem -
1। Modeling - if your parents have it, then you will more than likely have it
2। Learn and practice high self esteem behavior
Thank goodness for number 2!
I learned this at a recent special parent education event I attended at my son's school, the Westside Neighborhood School in Playa Vista। Dr. Alan Yellin, Ph.D and noted Los Angeles based child psychologist was speaking about Enhancing Self Esteem in Your Child. He said, remember what we want for our children are the 5 'c's:

• Confident • Competent • Compassionate • Committed • Connected

How does a child get there and how can we as parents help? Here are some highlights from this highly informative event that helped reinforce some of my own ideas and beliefs around self esteem.
Private Speech Dr. Yellin said one of the most important elements of self esteem in children is the way in which children speak to themselves in their own mind. Do they say "I did a great job" and "that was hard, but I didn't give up" which is a sign of higher self esteem or do they say "I can't do anything right" and "Nobody likes me", a sign of lower self esteem. How children speak to themselves determine their level of self-esteem. Self-Esteem = Private Speech.
This concept about the mind keeps coming up for me - most recently in the book Little Voice Mastery by Blair Singer where he describes the six inches between your ears as your own "little voice" sabotaging you from reaching your true potential। At home we've named it our 'tricky brain.' It's a term my son now refers to when he realizes he's thinking thoughts that don't serve him. "The Marlins are going to beat us, I don't think we can win," he said about a recent little league championship game. I listened and watched as he stopped, thought for a moment and said, "that's my tricky brain isn't it." Yea! I thought, how cool is that! He's only 8 yet I make up what he learns about the mind at this age will positively impact him throughout his life. Side note - my son's team won, go Twins!

So, how do we help our children speak to themselves in a way positive way? Teach by example and model how we speak to ourselves. Think about it, how do you speak to yourself? Is it supportive? Is it unforgiving? Our children pick it up. Do you punish yourself for getting a parking ticket for example or do you say, made a mistake, oh well, not perfect and will try not to do that again. Teaching your child that not being perfect is okay and being resilient is important also helps with inner speech. Be forgiving of yourself and your child will model that as well.
One parent asked, what if your child has a 'devastating' experience, e।g., losing a tournament, breaking a toy, getting a bad grade, what do you say/do? First, practice empathy; seek to understand your child's experience and empathize. Second gather information; ask your child what he is saying to himself. What are the words being used to describe how he's feelings about himself, e.g., I'm stupid, I'm bad, and/or I'm a loser. Third, teach them about choice and provide an alternative way of thinking about the experience. Help them look at the experience in another way. Fourth, put it in perspective, teach them resilient strategies. Use questions to lead the child and help them gain perspective on what's important.

Important note, when they are in the "I don't care" stage they are not available emotionally to hear anything so table it।

Peer Relationships
Other elements of self-esteem include the value of friendships, the importance that a child have more than one friend and that he maintains friendships। Dr. Yellin talked about a study done by Cassidy and Asher on loneliness and children that states kids as early as kindergarten and 1st grade report understanding the concept of loneliness and feeling lonely. Poor peer relationships and feeling excluded can be damaging to self esteem. Peer interaction and friendships is important to children's development. We need to teach them how to be a good friend by having a greater degree of empathy, giving compliments, teaching them how to give back, modeling how to have friends based on our own friendships.

"From 3rd grade up, any child that eats lunch alone is a child at risk" - Dr. Alan Yellin

Perfectionism and Overprotection What lower's self esteem? This hit home for me। Parental perfectionism and parental overprotection. When we expect perfection in ourselves our children see that, feel it and believe that they need to be perfect. I experienced this around cooking and company. My mom was a wonderful cook and a gracious host and when we had company she cooked and baked (and sweated over) every meal from scratch. And if something didn't come out 'perfect' she would be hard on herself. I could feel it and see it. It's like she couldn't relax because she wanted everything to be perfect. Guess who picked that up? I only realized it after what, the 50th dinner party. It would start with a panic in my belly. Then I'd find myself shopping all over town - fruits and vegetables from the farm, organic meat from the butcher and everything else from the grocery store. Then at home, I was on a mission, carefully preparing (and sweating over) each appetizer, meal and dessert, really not enjoying the experience because why - I wanted it to be perfect!

If your child exhibits signs of perfectionism - model by not being a perfectionist, play games in which they are required to make a mistake, give them the experience at not being perfect। Then normalize it. Set rules before playing a game. An example might be: We're going to stay for the whole game. When you're getting frustrated, tell me. No matter what we are going to be good winners and good losers. And we are going to complete the game and for completing it you will earn 10 minutes of Wii time.

On over protection, if we overprotect, we teach that the world's a scary place and that creates fear। I remember as a child of maybe 6, when my mom revealed that there was a burglar breaking into homes in our neighborhood, I was devastated. First, because until that moment I didn't know there were 'bad people out there'. And second, it instilled fear. Now, my mom was trying to protect me. I wonder however, what that might have done to my level of esteem. There is a fine line and finding that balance I think is key. You want your children to be aware and safe and yet you don't want to strip away their innocence too soon.

Characteristics of High/Low Esteem Families Dr। Yellin added some interesting findings on characteristics of high and low self esteem families. Households/parents of high esteemed children:

• Parents are attentive to the child and make time to listen (and not from afar or while plugged into the computer or iPhone)
• There is a high degree of agreement between the parents in how the child was raised • Father's are more involved and committed
• Parents accept respect and expect respect
• The home is family centered, not child centered
• Praise is the preferred mode of discipline - genuine praise - a 5 to 1 ratio - meaning for every constructive critical statement follow up with 5 positive statements।
• Limit setting was clear, fair and restrictive
• Punishment was more a management of undesirable behavior - never harsh or embarrassing!
• Hierarchy that's clearly spelled out with parents on top and the child below the parents
• Boundaries are set and clear

Households/parents of low self-esteem children include;
• Very little parental guidance • Hierarchy is mom, dad and child on equal footing
• Child centered home
• The child has tremendous power and control in the family

An interesting side note: Common characteristics of pro athletes, entertainers, scientists, CEO, professional who are top in their field;
• As children they never showed any natural talent
• They received a lot of praise from parents
• All reported failure and none of them viewed failure as devastating

In conclusion, points to keep in mind as we raise our children to be confident, competent, compassionate, committed and connected;
• Use words of encouragement
• Focus on what's good
• Accept your child as they are
• Have faith in your children so they can believe in themselves
• Recognize improvement
• Respect your children
• Have realistic expectations
• Standards that are too high invite failure
• Keep a sense of humor
• Encourage and model good friendships।

At the end of the day, there are two conditions in which children feel the highest level of self esteem; I am loved no matter what and I am worthwhile। I don't think that speaks only of children. This is a passionate subject for me not only as a mom but also an adult who continues to seek a higher level of self esteem and take charge of my own tricky brain.



Anahid is a public relations executive by day and a blogger for the hip working mom by night. She is a tenacious media relations expert with national, regional and trade hits in her collection including the New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Wall Street Journal, AP, Parent Magazine, Wired, Forbes, Men's Journal and Worth. Her addiction of choice - acting. She is a graduate of the famed Neighborhood Playhouse School of Theatre in New York trained by Richard Pinter with a degree in Meisner. One of her favorite roles - Seta in the award winning play Beast on the Moon. A professional dancer, her spirit comes to life when she dances. Her repertoire includes jazz, musical theatre and Armenian folk dance. Samba is her latest - viva Brasil! Anahid is also a classically trained pianist. She loves mountain biking, traveling, cooking and all things chocolate! Oh yeah, and Manolo Blahniks - her other addiction. Her motto, life is a journey of growth, lessons, enlightenment and moment to moment experiences with those you love.
As a storyteller, she has always been passionate about educating, entertaining, impacting people and making a difference in their lives. Throughout her 20 year career, whether a producer, publicist, writer or actor, it's 'the story' that inspires her. As a mother, she is passionate about the journey of motherhood.
Anahid is president of Steel Grey Productions, http://www.steelgreyproductions.com, a Los Angeles based boutique public relations company specializing in publicity, special events and video production. She's a member of the Public Relations Society of America and is on the board of trustees for the Armenian Dramatic Arts Alliance.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Anahid_Shahrik

How Parents Can Develop Positive Self-Esteem in Their Children

By Bob Perdue

Building self-esteem in children is part of the role of a parent। While many articles and books will encourage parents to use positive affirmation, to avoid ridicule and humiliation, to find their child's niche, the most powerful thing a parent can do to influence their child's self esteem is to have a positive self esteem themselves।

Adults who have a poor self-esteem tend to pass that on to their children। They either seem to assume that their children are as deficient as they are, or they place an impossible standard on their children in an effort to assure that they excel. Either way, the child tends to end up feeling that they don't measure up, and probably never will. Poor self-esteem.

Poor self-esteem is often rooted in childhood trauma। This trauma may be as innocent as frequent correction or as severe as sexual abuse. The power of the trauma is completely dependent on how the individual processed and interpreted it. Parents who experienced some trauma as a child which they have never fully dealt with are destined to contribute to their child's poor self-esteem!
So, before you begin to formulate a plan to promote positive self-esteem in your children, do an little inventory of your own self esteem। You may ask yourself these questions:

1) Do I have a good sense of my own worth or value?
2) Do I feel that I belong or am accepted by others?
3) Do I consider myself capable of making life work?
4) Am I comfortable with my gender?

If the answer to any of the above questions is "no", you may need to explore what unresolved issue in your past has contributed to these negative feelings and seek resolution through confrontation, forgiveness or therapy। As you begin to feel more confident and positive about who you are, you will be better equipped to pass that on to your children. Positive self-esteem is not so much taught as it is "bestowed".


Bob's testimony and the keys to his success can be found in his book, 10 Life Choices available at http://www.lifenowministries.com or http://www.amazon.com. Bob is a gifted speaker and has shared his testimony throughout the US, in Brazil, Portugal and Germany. Contact Bob at bob@lifenowministries.com
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Bob_Perdue

One Definition of Success

By Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.

As parents, we want our children and teens to grow up and "be successful." But what "being successful" means depends on our definition of "success" in the first place. Obviously "success" means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. Our definition of success has become "The Progressive Realization of Moral, Virtuous, or Godly Goals."
As a parent, how are you defining "success" for your children? How do you define "success" for yourself as a parent?
Each of these questions is important for us to think through. Many of us, kids included, only define success in terms of what we have, or what we have accomplished so far in life. Some define success in terms of how society and culture define it, while others have chosen to define "success" through the eyes of God, as best as they can know it.
As for me, I define "success" as "the progressive realization of moral, virtuous, or Godly goals." As I look at my kids and rate their levels of success, or rate myself as their parent, I want to keep in mind what my kids are becoming, rather than what they have accomplished in the past. As long as I can see my kids on a path toward becoming productive and honorable adults, then I will feel successful as a parent. Parents, please relax a bit.
I want to encourage each of you to take a long term view as regards to your role as parents. I have received many emails from parents of 4, 5, and 6 year old kids who are having trouble with attention span, or coloring within the lines, or reading, or whatever. Please relax.
Focus on getting your child onto a road that will lead them to be productive as adults। Teach your children how to be good fathers and mothers to their own children in the future. Teach your kids how to love and serve other people. These are the major lessons. See life in the context of eternity, and your definition of success will change radically, both for your children and yourself.


Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Douglas_Cowan,_Psy.D.

Teach Your Kids to Pray - The Five Finger Method

By Sheila Gregoire 

When my daughter was two, we were teaching her how to say grace. She had just finished up when Keith leaned over and whispered to her, "tell Mommy she's pretty." Katie promptly put both hands together again, closed her eyes, and said, "Dear God, please make Mommy pretty. Amen."

But most of my girls' prayers tend towards this: "Thank you that we had a good day today. Please help us to have fun tomorrow! Amen."

And I have decided this isn't good enough. So here is our plan to really teach them to pray:

A. Model Prayer for Your Children

Kids aren't going to learn heartfelt prayers until we pray heartfelt prayers in front of them. So every night, after dinner, have a mini-prayer session where you do pray earnestly for something important for your family: a family member who needs God, a financial situation, a personality conflict. Something. When they hear you praying for someone, they learn how to do it, too!

B. Teach Different Types of Prayer

We are starting a new program where we are encouraging them to branch out in prayer. Different variations for this exist, but here's one I'm working on. Look at your hand. If you notice, you have five fingers. Have the kids hold up their hands, and for each type of prayer they can lift up a finger until their whole hand is up.

1. Praise

Thank God for Who He is, for something about Him, for something He has made.

2. Thanksgiving

Thank God for something that He has done for you today. Encourage the children to make this as specific as possible. Not just, "Thank you for my mommy," but "Thank you for giving me a Mommy who comes to my hockey game," or "Thank you for Mommy who hugs me."

3. Request for Someone Else

Ask God something. Again, make it specific. No "feed all the children" stuff, unless they're really young. It's better to ask God to give money to a family you know, or to help your sponsored child and his or her family, or to help someone you know who is sick. If there's an ongoing need, pray for that every night. But try to encourage them to pray for something new, too.

For instance, we have a close friend whose five-year-old daughter is going through treatment for leukemia right now. We're praying for her everyday, and then adding other requests, too.

4. Confession

What did you do wrong today? Hint: Kids are far more willing to pray this if you model it. Whenever you mess up, immediately confess it to God in front of them. If they see you doing it, they won't feel so uncomfortable about doing it, either. And don't let them say, "Forgive me for being selfish." Always encourage them to use "when" statements: "Forgive me for being selfish when I wouldn't share my lego."

5. Request for You

I think this one should always come last, because the other prayers help get our hearts in line with God. Then you're in a better place to make your own requests.

But this one can be tough. It's fine for kids to ask for something for themselves. But make sure it's not treating God like Santa Claus. No "God, please give me a new bike." Ask them what their biggest struggle is. Maybe it's getting along with a sibling, or a teacher they don't like, or figuring out math. Pray about that.

Now all five fingers are up, and kids haven't yet said, "help me to have fun tomorrow!" So you're well on your way to raising prayer warriors! Congratulations, and don't give up!

Sheila Wray Gregoire is a syndicated parenting columnist and the author of four parenting books. Find FREE household organization charts, including children's chore charts, household planners and more at her website, or find general parenting information at her blog at http://ToLoveHonorandVacuum.blogspot.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Sheila_Gregoire

5 Simple Parenting Tips That Could Save Your Sanity

By Marcia Reich

We've all seen it, the mother with two kids in tow and one sitting in the front of the grocery cart। The two are running down the aisles, grabbing things, all the wrong things - sugary cereals, chocolate bars, potato chips... The cart is overflowing. Mom is yelling things like, "put that back" and "no, you can't have that today" and "please stop running" and finally, "Get over here now!" If you are like me, a few things cross your mind or memory. You feel a twinge of pain and sympathy when you see her and want to run over and help. Your are somewhat irritated and can't help wondering why she doesn't leave the kids home when she shops? and lastly, If you are feeling particularly smug, or your children are past the age of no restraint, you may have a moment of memory loss and be saying to yourself, my kids were NEVER like that. I wouldn't bet on it.

So what do you do when you have to take the kids with you on errands and particularly errands that spell danger for you and your kids. It's really pretty simple:
1. Plan it out first - Have a plan for the errands that you have to do regularly. Figure out what you need and the best times for you to do them. Most likely late afternoon when both you and your kids are spent is not the time.
2. Make your grocery stops short -If you have to go twice, do it. Figure out the items you need beforehand so you aren't taking the kids down aisle after aisle looking for things. This is a surefire way to engage yourself in a nightmare.
3. Have a kid's day at the grocery store - Take them to the grocery store and let them choose a few things that they like - they earn that privilege by not acting out during your other errands.
4. Remember to be realistic - Kids have energy and they get bored quickly. It is unrealistic to expect them to have the patience of an adult while you do your errands, especially if they're long and drawn out.
5. Don't make getting all your errands done so important that you can't let them go if your kids are cranky and irritable. You will just put undue stress on yourself and your kids and quite frankly, the errands will take longer to get done.
Although it may seem impossible and believe me, sometimes it really is, if things get out of hand, leave before you have to scream। You may leave without the milk but you will save yourself from a very negative experience.

Marcia R. Reich, M.A., LPC, CPT -I am a Licensed Professional Counselor with 10 years of experience. I have a private practice in Florham Park, NJ where I work with individuals, couples, teens and groups. I have also worked in schools and was a part of the Morris County Supervised Parenting Program.
Children act with strong emotions and often irrational behaviors and as parents we face the challenge of being fair but firm. We all want to do this well so that our children will turn out to be healthy, productive adults. It isn't easy. I offer my education and training, along with an understanding that comes from having lived through many of the same parent/child experiences with which many families struggle. I am now offering a special program called Positive Parenting - check my website http://marciareich.com/ for more information.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marcia_Reich

Kids Who Are Verbally Abusive - The Creation of a Defiant Child

By James Lehman

When you're standing in your kitchen, and you're fighting back tears and rage as your son is calling you "b---h," you don't have time to do much of anything but react. But when he's stormed out the door or up to his room, the question arises in your mind yet again: "Why is he like this? Why does he talk to me this way?"
Verbal abuse and intimidation by children and teens isn't just a phase that goes away; it doesn't "just happen." It often has deep roots that begin very early in a child's development. In this article, I'm going to show you how your child's abusive behavior may have evolved. Then next week, I'll show you what you can do to stop it.
It should be noted that there are times when kids can get very mouthy as a reaction to stress, chaos or even as part of the developmental stage they're going through. They can become testy in their answers to you, and their tone may become defiant or condescending. But abusive children cross a line when they start attacking people verbally, demeaning others, or threatening to harm themselves-or someone else. The verbalization of threats, name-calling and intimidation gives them power. Those are the kids we're focusing on in this article, and usually they cross the line at a very early age.
Power: The Prime Motivator
Why do kids threaten and verbally abuse their parents? One reason is that when these children feel powerless, they lash out in an attempt to gain more control. Another reason is that they don't have the problem-solving skills necessary to deal with frustration, to deal with disappointment or to resolve conflicts in a more appropriate manner. Children may fail to develop social problem-solving skills for a variety of reasons, which include diagnosed and undiagnosed learning disabilities, family chaos, or individual temperament. Consequently, these kids often become overwhelmed by the emotions they're experiencing as a result of their inability to solve social problems appropriately. If they don't have the tools to deal with these uncomfortable feelings, they resort to name-calling, threats and verbal abuse of those around them.
It is my firm belief that kids also threaten their parents because in our culture today, power has become the solution for the problems people face. That message comes at children from every conceivable source. Movies, music, video games, politics and pro sports glorify aggression and the use of power to get your way. Preteens and adolescents are the most vulnerable to cultural messages, and the message they are getting says that if you're weak, if you're alone, you lose. Don't kid yourself; this is not wasted on our youth. From a very early age, kids are taught that fighting for power and control will solve their problems. And as they get older, that fight becomes a lot more intense.
Now let's say you have a child who, for whatever reason, has poor problem-solving skills. He sees the message of power around him on T.V., in his community and in his culture. He then learns how to use power in the form of threats and verbal abuse to replace his lack of problem-solving abilities. Instead of having to deal with his emotions and overcome whatever given obstacle is in his path, that child uses acting-out behavior, aggressive behavior and abusive behavior so that somebody else has to solve his problems for him. In effect, using this acting out, aggressive or abusive behavior becomes his problem-solving skill. This is a very dangerous pattern for a child to develop.
How Defiance Develops in Your Child
When we raise our children, we are teaching them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, whether we think they're learning from us or not. Children watch adults for a living. What parents don't always understand is that chronic defiance in children develops over time, after certain lessons are learned and it can start very early on.
Let's take the case of a child who was a fairly normal baby. He's achieved all the developmental milestones, was perhaps a little cranky at times, but generally, behaved age-appropriately. As he gets a little older, he starts having more problems. At about the age of five, he begins to balk at the idea of picking up after himself, whether it's his dirty clothes going into the hamper or toys with which he's been playing. If he's told to clean things in his room, he goes to the living room instead of complying. When asked to finish the task at hand, he says, "I don't want to," and that becomes his battle cry. His parents have to stand over him to get anything done. As he gets older, he starts to challenge and justify, his voice gets louder and his tone gets rougher. He gets stuck in the loop of saying, "I don't want to. I don't have to. I'll do it later. Why do I have to do it now?" When pushed, he will do things grudgingly, but only when adults are watching him. And as soon as they leave the room, his compliance stops.
Some parents will respond to this behavior by lowering their expectations. They place less responsibility on their child to pick up after himself. They wind up picking up his dirty clothes every day and picking up his books and toys, rather than dealing with his resistance, excuses and thinking errors. They think it's easier and keeps the peace if they just to "do it themselves."
For the parents, this can seem like a really good way to cut down on the fighting. After all, it only takes them 30 seconds to put the books away and pick up their child's laundry. By the way, that's a very common response and in some cases, it works out fine. But there are certain children who see that their parents have changed their rules and expectations because they fear their child's resistance and acting out.
These are the children for whom capitulation on the part of the parents becomes a lesson. The lesson is, "If I throw a tantrum and scream at my mother and father, I'm going to get my way." For these children, what tends to happen is that they start throwing more tantrums, yelling more frequently and using these inappropriate behaviors to solve their social problems.
Very early in life, children have to learn to deal with the word "no." They have to learn the feelings of frustration or anger that are triggered when they hear it. In that way, being told "no" is a social problem that they have to solve. Most children develop the social skills of managing the feelings that are triggered when they're denied something. But when the children I'm talking about are told "no" in a department store, their behavior escalates until they're tantruming. And what tends to happen over time is that parents read the signals: they see that the behavior is escalating, and they try to do something about it before the tantrum begins. In other words, as the child gives them cues that he's going to soon lose control if they keep placing the same demands on him, they lessen their demands. That lowering of expectations usually occurs by over-negotiating, compromising, or giving in to their child's demands. In this way, these kids learn to shape the behavior of the adults around them. Make no bones about it, when parents change their routine because a child throws a tantrum, or verbally abuses them, they're teaching that child that he can have power over them through inappropriate behavior. And once again, it's not a lesson lost on that child.
While that's going on, there's a parallel process in which the parents are learning, as well. That lesson is, "If the child is given into, he stops tantruming and stops acting out." For most parents, stopping the acting out is important because its embarrassing and frustrating. And so the parents are taught by the child that if they do what he wants, things will get easier, and if they don't hold him accountable, even at 24 months, he'll stop yelling and having temper tantrums. Parents learn to tolerate more inappropriate, acting-out behavior from the child. I call it "Parents raising their tolerance for deviance." And those two processes, separate though parallel, build on each other and form the child's way of dealing with life.
Of course, as the child gets older, tantrums take on a very different look. Since lying on the floor and screaming and kicking your feet makes kids feel embarrassed when they reach a certain age, they learn various forms of verbal abuse, including name-calling, putting others down, and threatening. They enter kindergarten and try to throw tantrums or fight with their teachers, and then wonder why they aren't allowed to get away with things in school. Many times, they have problems getting along with other kids. When you think about it, the sandbox is a very commonsense place. If your child is in the sandbox with other kids and he's yelling at them and calling them names or threatening to hurt them, they won't play with him anymore-that's all there is to it. And if your child is using inappropriate behavior as a way to get his way, the other kids are going to avoid him. If they have no choice but to accommodate him, once again he will fail to develop appropriate social skills. The lesson that he can get his way by verbally abusing others is reinforced.
So the intimidation between that child and his parents, and between that child and his peers, can start pretty early. Remember that there might be any number of reasons why a child is acting out and unable to handle the difficulties life presents: he might not learn to solve problems effectively because he has a neurological impairment like ADHD, an undiagnosed learning disability, a chaotic family life, or just a personal tendency to be oppositional. The acting-out child then enters adolescence and is a teen whose only problem-solving skills are to talk back abusively, put others down and curse at them, threaten to break things, or even use physical violence. One theory is that it doesn't really matter what prevents your child from learning how to solve problems-rather, it's his inability to do this that leads to the inappropriate behavior. This includes the use of power thrusts like verbal abuse, physical intimidation and assault.
The truth is, it's a core part of our job as parents to teach our children problem-solving skills and to show them that tantrums, screaming, yelling and name-calling, verbal abuse and intimidation will not solve their problems. The reason why we need to step in and help them change their ineffective way of dealing with life's problems is because the more we give power to inappropriate, verbally abusive, behavior the less prepared that child is going to be to solve life's problems as an adult. Make no mistake about it, children who use verbal abuse, name-calling, cursing and intimidation, become verbally abusive adults.
For three decades, behavioral therapist James Lehman, MSW, has worked with troubled kids and children with behavior problems. He has developed a practical, real-life approach to managing children and adolescents that teaches them how to solve social problems without hiding behind a facade of defiant, disrespectful, or obnoxious behavior. He has taught his approach to parents, teachers, state agencies and treatment centers in private practice and now through The Total Transformation Program -- a comprehensive step-by-step, multi-media program that makes learning James' techniques remarkably easy and helps you change your child's behavior. Click now for your Risk Free Trial.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=James_Lehman

3 Leadership Traits in Children

By Howard Guy 

To become successful in this world you need to have at least some leadership skills as not only does being a leader allow you to manage others it also gives you confidence, charisma and vision. All of these qualities are found in great men and women around the world making finding leadership traits in children an important part of developing a strong, successful and happy child.

What then do we analyze when we look for leadership traits in children? Here are 3 prime examples of leadership qualities that your child might exhibit proving they are natural leaders.

1. Social Activities - If you pay attention to how you child interacts with other children you can often get a good impression of their abilities. However many parents do not look deep enough to see the qualities that are important. If you child is the captain of the soccer team then yes, it is usually a tick for the leadership box. However did they get there because the players liked the way they helped other players or did they get there because they bullied their team mates into letting him be the captain. No parent likes to admit their child may be a bully but assertiveness can sometimes come from this kind of action when they do not realize that coercion is not leadership. Instead look at how your child helps others, if their concern matches their drive to fix something and make it better this is a much better trait of leadership. Good leaders do not coerce or bully, they lead because people want to follow, they lead because they get the job done!

2. How They Ask Questions - The way your child learns about the world is a good way to judge leadership potential. If your child is too talkative they may not be good listeners, if they are too silent they may not be assertive enough. If your child listens but asks questions frequently and with a desire to learn and with a capacity to link new and complex ideas together then this is a sign of intelligence and of leadership. A leader is someone with a vision of how they want things to be and this comes from a good understanding of how things are. A good leader will ask the right questions to get the answers they need to solve problems.

3. Who Are Their Heroes - This might seem simplistic but it does help in determining leadership traits in children. Who does your child idolize? On the TV, in real life, locally whoever! So many children become obsessed with Bratz dolls and rebellious "cool" characters ... not that all of these characters are displayed as bad leaders but many children are brainwashed into wanting to be popular instead of being a leader. If your child's favorite actors, or cartoon characters are the leaders or are more concerned in getting the job done with the aid of others than being popular or cool this is a sign of someone who respects real leadership at a young age.
Whether or not you notice these signs of leadership in your child you can give your child every chance to succeed in life with leadership skills that will aid them in every endeavor they undertake.
Click below to find out more on how to raise your child to be a winner, a leader and a success rather than another member of the dull rat race.
http://parentingpages.wordpress.com/2008/06/20/you-can-raise-a-leader/

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Howard_Guy

How To Raise Children In These Times With Strong Christian Values

By Gregg Hall

Raising kids in the twenty first century challenges parents more than ever. Culture calls out to kids, wanting to form them, while many parents want their kids to grow up with a biblical background and faith-based set of values. So how can a parent ride against the tide of culture to raise strong kids with strong faith? Church attendance certainly makes a difference, but parents need to be parents, and they need to use the resources that we have available today.
Consult your local Christian book store, or even the Christian section of a secular book store. You will be amazed at the resources out there that can give you the answers you need to help raising your children.
Both parents should seek out additional resources. Many times just the matriarch of the family seeks out the books with how-to information while the patriarch just trusts her child raising instincts. Both parents should actively parent, not just one. Studies show that children need both parents. Girls need their dads to help form a healthy view of men, and boys need their moms to help form a healthy view of women. So if you want to infuse your faith into your children, pick up a Christian parenting book।

The teen years challenge parents. Many find themselves more frustrated with their teenagers than they ever were with the coloring on the wall by their toddlers that graced ठिरhomes. But parents should realize that teenagers are not a different breed of creature. They are young adults, crying out for direction on how to be an adult. Thus a teen focused Christian parenting book can give parents the direction they need on how to help ठिर teen act like an adult and make the right decisions.
Smaller children can also benefit from such instruction. While these children challenge their parents, parents can find help in Christian parenting books with age specific advice. Books ranging in topics from godly discipline to teaching your kids manners abound in the Christian section of your local book store. And you'll be amazed at what a difference just a few parenting changes will make in the demeanor of your child.
Sure parents need to take their kids to church. They need to take themselves to church, and they need to seek out the advice of other Christian parents. But Christian parenting books offer them one more resource for raising kids that seek to glorify God and follow the principles laid out in the Bible. In the end, books by great authors like Dr. Dobson and Kevin Leiman can make all the difference in the life of a child and in the family as a whole. So what are you waiting for? Start reading.
Gregg Hall is an author living in Navarre Florida. Find more about this as well as spiritual christian gifts at http://www.spiritualchristiangifts.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gregg_Hall

How to Combat The Media's Influence On Our Children

By Dianna Hobbs 

This is not your typical parenting article that shares “survival tips”, or the best DVD’s and activities to fight boredom. Rather, I’m going to share practical principles and techniques for raising spiritually, mentally and emotionally healthy children. The neat thing is that you have complete control over the effectiveness of the techniques, they cost you nothing, and you can test them out in the comfort of your own home. Sound good? Then, keep reading.

Did you know that the U.S. media landscape is dominated by a core group of giant corporations that, through a history of mergers and acquisitions, have gained control over much of what we see, hear and read? In many cases these giant companies are integrated, manufacturing everything from books, movies, music and more.

Listen to this, the Columbia Journalism Review reports that the same company that owns and controls the programming for “MTV” and “BET”, is also responsible for “Nickelodeon”, “Nick Jr.”, and “Noggin”. (Source: Columbia Journalism Review, www.cjr.org)

Think about it. A popular trend has emerged, where the music careers of young stars are launched on Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. The songs and videos usually start out innocently enough. Then what happens? We see them transition to MTV, where the songs become a little more risqué and the lyrics become a lot less innocent. By then, however, our children have already fallen in love with these young stars. So, what can you do?

Does this mean that you should ban all of your children’s favorite television shows? No. I’m not suggesting that you toss the television out the window, although that may be a good idea. Instead, I want to provoke you to consider how important it is to be prayerful, diligent and informed in order to shield your children from negative influences that can harm their spiritual, mental and emotional well-being.

Here are a few ways you can become more involved in their daily activities. When your children are viewing certain programs, take time to watch. You may be surprised at the types of things you see. As you observe, ask yourself, “What is being depicted in this cartoon or movie? What are the characters wearing, saying and doing?” Sometimes sexual innuendo, rebellion against authority, and other inappropriate behavior is being portrayed. These subtle, yet unhealthy influences send subliminal messages to your children and mold their subconscious mind.

If a movie is rated PG-13, even if it’s animated and has received rave reviews from the critics, still ask yourself “Is this appropriate for my child?” Think about it. Animated movies gross millions of dollars at the box office, because children’s entertainment is big business. The goal now is to entertain both the parents and the children; as a result, the children are influenced by sexually explicit content, vulgarity, profanity and violence, all cloaked as “entertainment that’s fun for the whole family.”

Remember, everything planted inside your children is a seed, and seeds grow, whether bad or good. Children are like sponges, soaking up everything around them. As a parent, you act as the sanitizing agent, filtering out anything that will defile and harm them. Don’t be afraid to turn the television off, or ban particular programs from being viewed in your home. These decisions are not always easy or popular, but they are necessary to protect the innocence of your children.

Be warned. Family and friends will not always smile upon your decision to sterilize your children’s environment. You will sometimes be perceived as “overly protective” and “a little over the top.” I know it’s no fun to be viewed as a prude, and few parents enjoy being labeled “strict,” but if you go the extra mile to provide your children with discipline and boundaries, you will build Godly character in them that will pay off in the long run. You must make the decision that Joshua made and declare that, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15)

Think about this. You don’t have a long time to remain the primary influence in your children’s lives. Pretty soon, they’ll leave home. This is when they’ll depend on what you taught them in their formative years to make the right decisions. Do you really want television shows, video games and pop culture icons to be the strongest influences on their choices?

God chose you specifically as the steward over your precious children. Remain prayerful, submitted, and open to God’s will. Trust Him, and He will equip you with all the necessary tools to raise Holy, happy and healthy kids. “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:6)

© 2007 Hobbs Ministries. All rights reserved.
Dianna Hobbs is Vice President of Hobbs Ministries, a Christian copywriting and PR firm specializing in creative writing solutions for individuals, ministries and faith-based organizations. If you’re looking for exceptional Christian writers to provide powerful website copy, press releases, press kits, articles, advertorials, direct mail letters, ghostwriting and more, then visit http://www.hobbsministries.com

Dianna is also a wife, a homeschooling mother of four, and a highly popular speaker for Christian women’s conferences and retreats.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Dianna_Hobbs

Encourage Your Child's Self-Esteem

By Monika B. Pis, Ph.D.

Self-esteem is an integral part of your child's development, as well as the basis for healthy social skills.

Self-esteem is defined as a person's feeling of self-worth, or a person's view of his or her competency. Children with high self-esteem feel substantial worth, and believe themselves to be good and capable. On the other hand, children with low self-esteem think they are useless and that others do not care how they behave and perform.

The role of healthy self-esteem cannot be stressed enough. How your child views his/her worth will play a role in how he/she performs in school, deals with mistakes and failures, motivates self, and interacts with peers.

In adolescence, your child's self-esteem will influence his or her resistance to risky behaviors, such as alcohol consumption, cigarette smoking, drug use, and sex. While high self-esteem is associated with an overall sense of well-being during adolescence, low self-esteem is related to risk behaviors and negative developmental outcomes. For example, adolescents with low self-esteem are at high risk for attempting suicide. Studies have shown that adolescents with low self-esteem have elevated levels of suicidal ideation and negative expectations of the future.

According to research at the Florida State University, parents who have boys with low self-esteem at age 11 were 1.6 times more likely to meet the criteria for drug dependence nine years later than other children. These findings are a wake up call to parents and other adults who interact with children.

Characteristics of children with HIGH self-esteem:

- Make friends easily

- Show enthusiasm for new activities

- Are cooperative and follow age-appropriate rules

- Control their behavior

- Play by themselves and with other children

- Like to be creative and have their own ideas

- Are happy

Characteristics of children with LOW self-esteem:

- Don't believe they can do things well

- Fear interactions with other children

- Don't share ideas

- Are sad

Parents can help their children to build high self-esteem from a very early age. The simplest ways include: praising your child's efforts and successes however small, providing warmth and affection, being supportive, showing interest in your child's activities, using positive enforcement, and being patient when your child learns new skills.

Robert Brooks, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at the Harvard Medical School, offers these strategies to parents to foster a healthy self-esteem:

1. Provide opportunities to make choices, decisions, and solve problems. 
A belief that one has some control of their environment leads to high self-esteem.

2. Help develop responsibility and make a contribution. 
Assuming responsibility that makes one feel capable and making a contribution boosts self-esteem.

3. Offer encouragement and positive feedback. 
Self-esteem is nurtured when adults communicate appreciation and encouragement to children.

4. Help establish self-discipline. 
Ability to reason and reflect on one's behavior and its impact on others helps in developing a high self-esteem.

5. Teach to deal with mistakes and failure. 
The fear of making mistakes and feeling embarrassed is a potent obstacle to challenges and taking appropriate risks, and thus achieving positive self-esteem.
Dr. Monika Pis is a pediatric nurse practitioner and the Editor-in- Chief for Plugged In Parents.

Please visit http://www.pluggedinparents.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Monika_B._Pis,_Ph.D.

Godly Mothers - A Precious and Rare Gift

By Vivian Gordon 

I have had the great privilege of having a mother for 51 years 
and being one for 28 years. The older I get, the more I 
appreciate the most wonderful gift that God could have ever 
given me, my own mom. I see myself in her in many ways 
and in other ways, I'm nothing like her. I have made many 
mistakes in my life, ones that my mother would never have 
made, but she respected me as an individual and never 
tried to interfere. She knew she gave me a firm foundation 
on which to come back into. I can't say she wasn't heart 
broken at times for some of my decisions. But, she had faith 
in God and His promises. And this is what makes a godly 
mother.

She took me to church on Sundays and she made sure I 
had a proper upbringing. She taught me how to be secure in 
who I was, and made me aware of my own moral beliefs. I 
was fortunate to have a godly mother who introduced me to 
a loving God by showing me that same love, unconditionally. 
She passed down these attributes to me and by the time I 
had my children, they were also aware of the love I had for 
them, no matter what they may have done.

In looking back on my life, I have to admit that I turned from 
the right path and chose my own course for awhile, and God 
wasn't a very big part of it. It's a typical human reaction to 
retreat and hide from God when you know you're behaving 
badly. Once these circumstances catch up with you, God 
then becomes the main focus again and this is where He 
takes us into the woodshed and teaches us the lessons we 
thought we could do without! It goes to show that you can 
never hide from God, He'll find you every time and He will 
correct you.

"Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping 
with his individual gift or bent), and when he is old he will 
not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 (Amplified)

When we are raised in God's Word, or have raised our own 
children that way, we must trust that everything will turn out 
for the good even when it seems like all is lost. It's not a 
matter of "If" but rather "When" things will turn around. Just 
like my own mother, she never lost hope that I would come 
back to Christ. I thank her for her prayers.

Once God's Word has entered into your life, you will never 
depart from it. Thank God He knows the disobedience of 
children and the rebellious condition of their hearts. He is 
always ready and waiting to forgive. And God gave mothers 
this unconditional love also.

There are several mothers mentioned in the Bible that set 
examples for us today. A godly mother is a rare commodity 
in today's society and she is more precious than gold. What 
makes a mother like this so special in God's eyes? Let's 
look at a few examples.

First there was Hannah. God had left her barren and as any 
normal woman, she had strong maternal instincts. She was 
one of two wives and her husband Elkanah's other wife, 
Peninnah, had no sympathy for Hannah's childless 
condition. Hannah laid her burden before God in prayer and 
promised Him that if He would allow her to conceive, she 
would give him back in lifetime service.

That's exactly what happened. God gave her a son called 
Samuel and he was raised by Eli the high priest. Hannah 
was a woman of her word and God blessed her and these 
blessings were handed down to Samuel as well. (Read 1 
Sam. 1).

Another special mother was Eunice. There isn't much said 
about her, but Paul gave her credit when he wrote to her son 
Timothy (2 Tim.) Eunice raised Timothy in God's Word. This 
wasn't particularly easy for her since her husband was a 
Greek and did not believe in Jesus. There are many women 
today who have husbands that are non-believers but are 
raising their children to be godly people, and they are to be 
commended for their service to the Lord.

"But as for you, continue to hold to the things that you have 
learned and of which your are convinced, knowing from 
whom you have learned (them)." 2 Tim. 3:14 (Amplified)

Eunice didn't abandon her hope in raising Timothy to be a 
Christian. Eunice also had a godly mother named Lois who 
had a major part in Timothy's upbringing. They taught young 
Timothy the word of God from the moment he was old 
enough to understand it and for this, it stuck with him in his 
later years. Paul recognized the great importance of these 
two women in Timothy's life. Can you see yourself in any of 
these godly mothers?

As anyone knows, mothers are the major factor in molding 
us into the people we are and that in turn, we pass them 
onto our own children and grandchildren. Mothers have 
many roles in their life, just as God Himself. A mother is 
gentle, loving, fair, patient, encouraging but also must be a 
disciplinarian. A loving mother must always correct her 
child in order to make them a responsible person later on. 
Sometimes it doesn't make us very popular, but when all is 
said and done, we will forever be remembered on our 
special day. What our children may not see as a benefit 
today, will look back and thank us. Children are foolish, but 
since we are the adults, we have the wisdom and need to 
use it!

"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod 
of discipline will drive it far from him." Proverbs 22:15 
(Amplified)

The best gift we as moms can give our children is 
discipline. It makes for a strong, secure and responsible 
adult. Face it, the world is a tough place to exist and has no 
patience for fools.

It was never my intention to give my two young sons 
everything they thought they wanted. I made them aware of 
the reality that was waiting for them. I wanted them to realize 
that they would appreciate things better if they had to work 
for them. Today both of them are earning their own way in 
the world and doing a great job of it at that.

It is my goal in life that when I reach the end of my days, I 
can look back not in regret, but rather that I have left a legacy 
of God's Word in my own childrens' lives and they in turn will 
hand this down to their children. That is the true meaning of 
being a godly mother and succeeding in the plan that God 
has laid out for each and every one of us.

When a mother has eyes of faith, she will see God at work 
in everything.

If this article has touched you, won't you please add a 
comment and give God the glory today?
Vivian Gordon writes inspirational and spiritual articles in which to help strengthen the Believer's walk in Christ. They are often taken from today's point of view and used in conjunction with what God says about certain situations and how we are to handle them. There is always an answer for every problem. These articles are not all about asking God "why?" but in finding the answers.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Vivian_Gordon

Child Development, IQ Boosts Related to Parental Treatment

By Wingy Lee

How parents treat and discipline their children has a huge effect upon their children's development later on in life and on their IQ, according to numerous studies. 

Put simply, positive treatment and discipline boosts a child's IQ and leads to smart kids while abuse has been found to lower a child's IQ.  

A 1998 University of New Hampshire study found that spanking lowers a child's IQ by four points. Of the 960 children studied, those who were not spanked demonstrated an IQ average of 102 points while those who were spanked typically test at an average of 98 points. 

The researchers found that the actual spanking did not cause physical damage that led to the lower IQ scores, but the fact that the parents who did not spank spent more time communicating with their children and explaining to them why their actions were wrong.  

This kind of communication resulted in these children learning reasoning skills-the kind that result in higher IQs. The children who were spanked did not learn these skills and as a result tested lower on the IQ tests. 

The how-to-treat your child debate doesn't just hinge on to-spank or not-to-spank, it's about positive stimulation versus negative stimulation. In fact, researchers are not sure which is worse-negative stimulation or no stimulation at all. Negative stimulation has been linked to a loss of as much as four IQ points, but devastating physiological effects may be caused by minimal or no stimulation at all. 

A 1995 study conducted by researchers at Baylor University showed that children who were spoken to or touched only rarely possessed brains that were actually 20 to 30 percent smaller than their peers who received ample amounts of positive interaction.

Those same children in the study who did not receive enough stimulation could not use toys imaginatively nor seek out and attempt to understand the objects around them. 

The real key to child development and boosting your child's IQ is to strike a balance between meeting their emotional needs and stimulating them intellectually. When this balance is struck, children grow up to be well-adjusted and productive adults.
We invite you to sign up for our Child Genius Minds resource at http://childgeniusminds.com When you register for the Child Genius Minds FREE Tips you'll discover secrets like ...

· How to train your child's brain to be a super brain

· How to accelerate your child's ability to have an easier, happier, creative learning experience

· How to stimulate your child to adapt and absorb new skills quickly

· What you should do to build confidence in the critical early stages of your child's life

· And much, much more sent straight to your inbox to benefit your child for a lifetime...

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Wingy_Lee

Raising G-rated Kids in an X-rated World

By Michael Grose

Effective parenting involves good character development- that is, raising kids who have a sense of ‘other’ rather than a sense of entitlement. It also means raising kids with a moral compass that helps them work out right from wrong. Kids usually pick up this moral compass from their parents however parental influence is easily diluted by the huge array of messages from they hear from the media, music, peers and the Internet.

Kids today are exposed to too much adult-oriented content too early. In some ways today’s children remind me of slum children in Victorian England, who saw too much but experienced very little. Today’s kids are exposed to too much in terms of adult content and concepts that they may not understand and they don’t have enough positive developmental experiences that involve all their senses(however this is a topic for another day).

The following three simple processes will provide the means for you help develop a moral compass in your children and ensure that you stay in the game as your kids move into adolescence.

1. Place televisions and Internet-connected computers in a public place in your home. With the average Australian family owning more than two television sets increasingly televisions are in children’s bedrooms. This not only limits your supervision and monitoring options but removes the chance for the children to easily speak to you regarding content that they are not sure about. Ditto with Internet-connected computers. Search engine giant Yahoo! advises parents to place computers in public spaces in the family home so kids have easy access to parents while they are online.

2. Have regular meals together. Sounds deceptively simple but mealtimes are tremendous opportunities for parents and children to talk. Let your kids be heard but also be heard yourself. The free interchange of ideas and information that a vibrant meal-time provides is one of the best forms of adult/child/young person interaction there is. That is not to say every mealtime will be provide opportunities for brilliant conversations. However even if the conversation flows once in every three mealtimes that is a great hit rate- and better than non at all.

3. Read good literature to children. Good children’s books and novels generally have messages that revolve around a diverse array of positive values such as tolerance, persistence and courage. Just ten minutes a night spent reading to your children will help them develop a love of reading, but also expose them to ideas that are generally constructed with the relevant age group in mind. Kids are hard-wired to learn from story so expose your kids to good ideas through the written word.

The best interactions with kids happens when no one is working at it. However, in this noisy world parents need to be proactive and make sure they engineer situations where they can maximise their well-intentioned influence on the children they are raising. Lecturing and moralising doesn’t work these days with kids, but influence certainly does.

Michael Grose is a popular parenting educator and parent coach. He is the director of Parentingideas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. For free courses and resources to help you raise happy kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Grose

How Do I Raise Balanced Children? 7 Leadership Strategies for Raising Godly Children

By Karen M. Pina

Raising children is no easy task and it’s not getting any easier. At the same time, the word of God remains the same even in a world that is changing by the moment. In this article, we provide 7 strategies to teach your kids about priorities and intimacy with the Lord.

By now, we have all heard start early with spiritual disciplines as your child's personality is completely developed by age 5. Certainly, this is true and you should start early. What happens when life happens and does not allow you to start as early as you would have liked to? The good news is that it is not too late. It takes 30 days or more to break a habit. So if by age 10 certain spiritual disciplines are not in place in your child’s life, just start re-training them, gradually introducing the new Godly habits and replacing the old ungodly habits.

Strategy #1 -Be the Balancing Act
God loves just weights. This tells us He loves balance, and as His children He wants us to truthfully balance the things in our lives and our children's lives. When you think of the word balance what percentages come to mind, 50% - 50%, 20% - 20%, 80% -20%? OR is it my child spends a lot of time in this area of his/her life for a season (perhaps baseball or basketball season), and little time in the other areas of our lives (perhaps sleepovers, parties, etc...)? And then when it's not baseball or basketball season, nor party time, we spread out our time evenly to other categories of our lives like work/chores, time with God, and family time. Let your children see you spending time building relationships with God and others, time for recreation, rest, church and spiritual devotion, entertainment, hobbies, sports, work, family and community time. As the parent, set the tone, the pace, be the weighing scale, and monitor areas that are getting out of balance.

Strategy #2 - Be the Model
When you model balance, your children will follow suit. Remember our actions are as important, if not more important than our words. Let them see you reading the Bible and ask them to read with you. Let them see you praying, and encourage them to pray with you. How about implementing a family fast day? Let them hear you talking about God, and include them in your dialogue. Children of all ages imitate what they see. If you seek God in prayer in the midst of a trial, they will too. If you mirror an intimate relationship with God, you will see the rewards in their relationship with God.

Strategy #3 - End the Day With God
Set aside 15-30 minutes each night with your children evaluating your day. Try reflective journaling. Each of you can ask the following questions: What choices did I make today? How does God feel about them? How did I relate to others? Is there something I need to seek forgiveness for before going to bed? What were my challenges and opportunities in keeping His Word today? Share your answers. Yes, be transparent and honest with them, but most importantly with God.

Strategy #4 - Busy on Purpose or Frantically Busy
Think about how many things you are currently involved in on a week-to-week basis. Now ask yourself, how many of those things have a specific leading from the Lord? Routinely, we take on responsibilities and even "fun" activities that are more life draining than they are life sustaining. I strongly urge you to partner with God and allow Him to create your family’s schedule by asking Him, Is this something You want me/us doing? The answer to this question will find you busy on purpose versus running in 14 different flesh-inspired directions.

Strategy #5 - Write a Life Mission Statement
There are many things we strive to achieve in life for ourselves and for our children. Here are a few: healthy self-esteem, a good education, and success. But how about wanting your children to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ above anything else? God desires we hunger and thirst after Him, and seek Him more than any other person/thing in the world. What are your children thirsty for? What are you thirsty for? We urge you and your children to sit down and write your own mission statements. The statement conveys what you want your life to be most concerned with. Take into consideration your God-given gifts, talents, abilities, and passions.

Strategy #6 - Apply For the Transfer
As your children start getting older you need to learn the mystery of transferring responsibility. When your children are younger, you are “the be-all end-all” in providing direction and order. As they get older, gently prompt them to integrate the spiritual disciplines you have taught them into their own lives.

For instance, ask them to pray about what God would have them do in certain situations even about helping around the house. Whatever they believe God would have them do, encourage them to go for it. This way they are accountable to God for what they do or don't do, not you. Yes, they may flounder, blunder and make some mistakes. Hold them accountable for the mistakes and redirect them back to God again. This practice will expand their learning capacity to trust and lean on God, and make decisions that please him, not you. They will need these skills later in life.

I admonish you to turn your child over to the Lord, actively surrender expectations and attachment to results, and let God raise them. I am confident He has some pretty creative ways of disciplining them while maintaining fear, reverence, and respect in their relationship. This strategy is sure to be a hit because you get to keep their respect in the learning process. To tell the truth, you may gain more than you already have!

Strategy #7 - Set limitations
No good thing does God withhold from us. As His child, we may ask him for more material possessions, more friends, a promotion on our job, or a new house. Certainly there is nothing wrong with any of these things. At the same time, what we may need is more grace, more peace, more joy, or to spend more time with Him to fill up our mind, will, emotions, and body with what they crave – His presence.

It should be no different with your children. What do they really need when they ask for one more material possession, to spend the night at a friend’s house, or to sign up for another activity after school? Our flesh is never satisfied and as parents we must set limitations and define how much is enough.

Closing Thoughts for God's Leaders
John Maxwell says leadership is influence. Our ability to influence our children is tied into their respect for us. It is natural for us to resist being influenced by those we do not respect. On the other hand, we emulate those we do respect. To lead our children, we have to become leaders worth following. Loving them unconditionally, providing for them, spending time listening to them, setting limits, and teaching them Godly wisdom are all part of our role as reputable leaders.

Sure effective parenting is a tough, time-consuming, wonderful job, but it is one of the greatest callings in life, and we need God's parenting wisdom for the job. Do not look for a formula based parenting tool, or a pre-fab approach. We need to “specialize” in our parenting by seeking God's wisdom based on each child's gifting, character and temperament.

Our children are on loan to us for a short time. You are momentarily in charge of an eternal being! Use this time gracefully balanced between creativity and wisdom.

Living in wisdom everyday,

Karen M. Pina

GOD’s Coach

©2006 Gifts Ordained by Direction. All Rights Reserved
Karen M. Pina is a leadership coach, and the CEO of Gifts Ordained by Direction (http://www.godscoach.com), a coaching practice that addresses everyday leadership issues. Pick up a copy of Karen’s book “Leadership FITness” (http://www.fit-leaders.com) and get FIT physically, financially, and spiritually.

Mine for the gems in your career, relationships, and leadership development by joining the many readers of Gem News. Subscribe now and instantly receive a free audiobook chapter on career fitness. You can partner with Karen for more support around what you have just read or allow her to mentor you to become a certified coach.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karen_M._Pina

Yes, You Can Have Good Kids

By Kim Patrick

Good kids aren't born, they are made. But how do I make a good kid, you say? There are a few simple rules to follow in order to get your kids to be good.

The first rule is to have good boundaries. Yes, kids need boundaries. They feel safe and secure when you give them boundaries and they will actually be happier when they know their limits. Of course kids will push the boundaries; that's just part of being a kid. It is a normal part of child development. Expect it.

The second rule to get good kids is to be consistent in whatever you do. If their bed time is 9 o'clock, you need to enforce that. And if they break the rules, there needs to be some consequence to show them what they have done wrong. If you don't give them a consequence you will be depriving them of a learning experience. And kids need to learn how to operate in the adult world. If you don't allow them to learn, how are they supposed to function well in society as an adult later on in life? Let your kids learn by their mistakes. This is vital.

The third rule to have good kids is to spend one on one time with them each week, as often as possible. Here's the thing; when kids don't get attention they desire, they misbehave. So you can prevent much behaviour by ensuring that your child gets adequate one on one time with you.

Just last night I was busy on my computer all evening and my youngest child started to misbehave. I went to her and said "oh, mum hasn't been giving you any attention, and I guess negative attention is better than no attention, hey?" My daughter still was held accountable for her actions, but at least I understood where the bad behaviour was coming from. And if we can understand the reason behind our child's behaviour we have the power to change things.

The fourth rule to have good kids is to be willing to learn to do things differently. The world is changing rapidly and I am not convinced that what worked 30 years ago still works today. Read a book, talk to someone who has well behaved kids and ask them for their secrets. Take a parenting course. Join a mentoring program. Do whatever it takes.

Now here's the key: if you find something that works, keep on doing it. If something doesn't work, find another way. Try something different. And remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. But if you are willing to persevere and follow these few simple strategies I believe you can have good kids.
Kim Patrick is a single mother with four children, living on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. She is a Parenting Coach, author, seminar speaker, and runs an online Mentoring Program for parents. She is also creator of the "My Sleeping Angel" CD series. Her web site is http://www.yourchildcanbehave.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kim_Patrick

Secrets to Parenting Together, Not Apart

By Michael Grose

A couple approached me after a recent parenting presentation asking for my thoughts around kids and mealtimes.

It seems they had different approaches.

One parent was focused on food and was concerned with the quantities kids ate. The other was focused more on behaviour and was more concerned with the quality of social interactions that mealtimes offered.


From my perspective, mealtimes are more than a mere pitstop for food. They offer a great opportunity for family members to talk, while bottoms are anchored to chairs. That's why the TV needs to be turned off during mealtimes.


During our brief chat it seemed that both parents respected the other's viewpoint, which was fantastic. But they clearly had some differences in their approach to parenting, that may not have been evident before the chat.


Differences in parenting approaches are natural reflecting past parenting experiences, gender differences and experience of children.



Differences are healthy, a sign of independent thinking, and can provide a sense of balance to family life.


BUT different approaches can cause discomfort, stress and anxiety to one or both parents, particularly when communication and empathy levels are down.

In some cases, the differences can lead to inconsistent parenting where there is no agreement on rules and standards of behaviour and inconsistent follow-through when kids behave poorly.

Parents who work together need to know when to compromise, when to keep out of the way and when to present a united front. Knowing when to take each approach takes practice and depends on what the issues are, your parenting styles and your individual values.

The 3 levels of parenting together

Getting on the same page as your partner takes work. It can be done whether you and your partner live together or not.

There are three levels of partnering working together:

Level 1 - Managerial: This is the day-to-day parenting level that focuses on aspects such as standards of behaviour, kids' health, education and supervision. Usually one parent (mothers mostly) is the primary parent calling the shots, while the other takes a back seat as the secondary parent (dads mostly). The secondary parent usually follows the lead of the primary parent. Level 1 focuses on WHAT needs to be done to raise kids.

Level 2 - Child-rearing: This is a tricky area as it covers approaches to kids' behaviour, how to build confidence in kids, the processes parents put in place for communication and how kids treat others. My conversation with the young couple I mentioned above was around this level. Level 2 fundamentally concerns itself with HOW kids are raised.

Level 3 - Values and attitudes: This is the BIG picture level. It looks at fundamental things you value such as developing independence, responsibility, tolerance, persistence and respect in kids. These are just a few -there are plenty of values and attitudes to develop. It really helps when partners are on the same wavelength when it comes to the things you value. This level concerns itself with WHY you do the things you do as parents. When you know the WHY then the HOW of parenting becomes easier.


From my experience you can get away with parental differences when kids are young, however it does become a big problem as kids move into adolescence. Some teenagers can become adept at driving a wedge between parents who are on different wavelengths. They generally go to the parent who will give them the answer they require when it comes to the tricky areas such as going out, access to alcohol and relationship issues.



It pays to start the conversation about parenting early on kids' lives. That's why I love it when parents come to a parenting seminar together. You both hear the same message, and hopefully, this generates healthy conversations about your kids and parenting. These conversations, generally start off around Level 2 issues (how you do things) but involve Level 3 issues (why you do the things you do).

Conversations at the WHY level are more fundamental, leading to greater understanding of where the other person comes from and the likelihood of presenting a united front to kids. And getting on the same page as your partner is always in the best interests of your kids.

The funny thing is, most parents are so busy talking about Level 1 issues (what you are doing) that they rarely talk meaningfully about Level 3 issues (why you are doing things), which is the absolute guts of what you do unless you purposefully sit down and do so. Parenting education provide the opportunity for getting conversations going that get you and your partner on the same page as parents.
Michael Grose is Australia's NO. 1 parenting expert. He is the director of ParentingIdeas, the author of seven books for parents and a popular presenter who speaks to audiences in Australia, Singapore and the USA. Get your FREE Chores and Responsibilities for Kids Guide when you visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au. Get a hold of Michael's sensational new book Why First Borns Rule the World and Last Borns Want to Change It at http://www.michaelgrose.com. You'll be astounded when you learn about your birth order personality and how the position in your family impacts on your life!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Michael_Grose

Raising Godly Children

By Jean Wensink

Having children is a mind-boggling responsibility. Each child has unique challenges and blessings. Each situation has potential for travesty or truth. Each parent has opportunity to nettle or nurture. However, we aren't expected to parent alone. God will guide us and lead us as we care for his lambs.

So, what are some tips that we can use so that we can raise up our children in a godly manner. First of all, we need to uplift our children in prayer. Prayer is our channel of communication to God. Without communication,we can't follow His direction. Second, we can model godly behavior. Children model what they see. If you have ever heard your child play house, you'll think that you were the one playing by the words that are said. Children are great mimickers. Third, we need to live up to the baptismal vows for our children. We promised to raise them up to know the Lord. We need to do that to the best of our ability. We need to be there to get them to Sunday School, church, bible class and whatever else is available to teach and nurture our kids.

Our children are not our own, but as long as we are here on this earth, we have a responsibility to raise children to know and love the Lord. In Mark, it is stated that Jesus told his disciples to "Let the children come unto me." Jesus valued children and knew their potential to further the kingdom. We, as parents, are key players in the future of God's kingdom, beginning with raising godly kids.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jean_Wensink

Last Will and Testament - What Legacy Are You Leaving?

By Arleita Harmon

"I, being of sound mind, do hereby bequeath..." When my mother passed on to her reward in Heaven, those somber sounding words soon took on new meaning to me. I was one of Mama's heirs. My name, along with others, was there on her legal document with the directions of what she wished to transpire upon her demise. Mama was no longer with us - but those few neatly typed words in her Last Will and Testament spoke for her, seriously and finally: "I do hereby bequeath..." She was never wealthy, but all she had she passed on with those words. I would gladly have given up all my inheritance to have Mama alive again. But that was not to be.

Days passed, maybe weeks. It was all sort of a blur. But it had to be done. So I finally began to do what had become my responsibility, that of sorting through Mama's personal things so that certain matters could be completed. She had always been a godly wife and mother who had sacrificed her life for the sake of her family. There was not much, just a few small trinkets and keepsakes and the box of notes and various writings that she had written over the years. It was there in that box that I found mirrored who Mama was, what was in her heart. I was not an heir simply of money and things, Mama had bequeathed something of far greater value; I had received a rich legacy.

Webster's dictionary says a "legacy" or "heritage" is something passed on to heirs; but usually applies to something other than actual property or material things. My mother had passed on to me her belief in God and her love for His commands and ways. She had endeavored all her life to install them in me as her child. But it was only as I read her "thoughts" through her poems and notes after her death that I gained a glimpse of the real value of what I had received. And it was up to me; what would be the end results of it all?

Thoughts began to weigh heavily on my mind. Thoughts of what heritage would I pass on to those I love? Would it be money? Land? Houses? Or, would the heritage I leave to my children have eternal value? And - would they receive it gladly, or despise it?

We read in the Bible of Esau. He despised his birthright (his heritage), so he sold it . We might say, he threw it away considering what he got in place of it. Yet what is often overlooked in Esau's story is that he did not just sell, or throw away his birthright. In reality, he stole his son's birthright, and his grandson's birthright, and so on. They never even had a choice in the matter.

Could anyone ever think that Esau's son - or later his grandson, and indeed his whole posterity, would have chosen for him to sell his birthright given him by Isaac? It was a heritage that could have changed the entire direction and future of their lives if only they had had the chance to receive it. Esau made a very foolish choice. But what about me: Would I be an "Esau?" Would I sell my birthright?

The most important legacy or heritage a person could ever receive from a grandparent or parent is a solid belief in God's Word and His principles - with the understanding of the need to abide by His standards. Yet, anyone who has been blessed with having such a heritage passed on has a choice. We can gratefully receive it, and by God's grace, endeavor to keep our heritage untarnished - and pass it on to our children; Who, in time, will do the same and pass it on to their children, and so on. Or, we can be like Esau.

When a parent who has been blessed to have a godly heritage makes compromising choices here and there -- they are not passing on their heritage to their children. Instead, they are stealing their child's inheritance, and their child's child's inheritance. Because those children, if given a choice, may desire the heritage of their grandparents and great-grandparents, if only they had been given the chance.

How many parents are there today, who, like Esau, once had a legacy from their parents? They had been raised in godly homes and taught God's ways. But along the way, they thought, "what's wrong with a little of this or that? I'm not going to live by the rules of those ol' fogies." Until finally, like Esau, they despise their birthright and sell it for a more contemporary Christianity -- an easier one with no "cross," thus no commitments - except to the world's ways, ideas, and entertainment.

We read the warning of God in Jeremiah 6:16, "Thus saith the Lord, Stand ye in the way: and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for you souls. But they said, We will not walk therein."

Do I dare trade the rich legacy that generations before have passed on to me - for a bowl of watery soup - today's cheap, easy, user-friendly contemporary Christianity? The life of my children, their children, their children's children - and their futures may depend on my choice. I do not dare make such a foolish exchange. I will "ask for the old paths" and "walk there in" (Jeremiah 6:16). Then when the time comes that my Last Will and Testament is read, I can trust God that my heirs, knowing with certainty and cherishing the legacy I have left them, will say, "The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance...yea, I have a goodly heritage" (Psalm 16:5,6). ©copyright 2008 Arleita Harmon, menofagape.com
Arleita, a freelance writer has written for varied markets over the past 20+ years. She is managing editor of http://www.womenofagape.com/ a website designed to encourage women of all ages - in every sphere of life - to be the vessel of honor that God has designed them to be. She is also co-editor of http://www.menofagape.com/ a website to encourage men to stand for right - making a difference, regardless of the cost.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Arleita_Harmon

A Call For Fathers

By Douglas Cowan, Psy.D.

Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things in your life. A recent University study found that the average father in America spends less than sixty seconds per day in conversations with his children! 

The actual number was 47 seconds per day. 

How in the world does that happen? Certainly we fathers love our children and want the best for them. So what does this study tell us about the focus of our investment in the lives of our children? Are we too focused on our work? Are we too focused on our paychecks? 

What's with us men? Have we as fathers come to think that our kids really just need our money? I sure hope not.

Our children need us to look them in the eyes and talk with them. We need to actually be involved in the lives of our children and teens. We need to actively raise them, teach them, and shape their character and morals and values. We need to do these things on purpose, with a plan, with a focus. Parenting is a "hands on" activity. 

So, spend time with your kids. Be available for your kids. Make your kids a major priority in your life. Protect your family. Be involved in your family.

Look at your personal definition of "success." My definition has become, "The progressive realization of moral, virtuous, or Godly goals." 

Obviously this definition has little to do with how much money I earn, or how much status I attain in my profession. It has little to do with my children becoming sports stars or validictorians (although they are both). Success has to do with character, relationships, and spiritual growth. 

So fathers, please take the time to teach your children. Be role models for your teens. And spend more than 47 seconds each day in conversation with your children.

Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350,000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Douglas_Cowan,_Psy.D.

Kids Learn About Money by Modelling You

By Nicole Clemow

Whatever you demonstrate to your children on a daily basis about how you manage and spend your money is giving them the opportunity either to choose to do what you do, or not. The period of development from birth to seven years old is referred to as the imprint period. It is the period of their life that children copy what people do in the world around them without conscious awareness. The people they spend most of their time with are who they will most likely choose to copy or model.

Who did you spend most of your imprint period (up to seven years old) with? With whom did your spouse spend most of their imprint period?

Realizing this modeling happened for you as a child, really important questions to ask and thoroughly consider include:

- What did you model from your parents (or significant adults in your life) about money?

-Which decisions did you make to purposefully NOT model things from them?

- Are you still modeling from them?

- How is that working for you?

- Did you choose new models along the way?

- Did your new models for financial management improve your financial situation?

- Which of your financial management habits and strategies are helping you move toward financial freedom and which are holding you back?

Whatever models you have chosen to use in the past, the great news is that it is up to you who you chose to model from this point forward. Choose the behaviors around money you want your children to see and do in their future. Just make sure you check in and see what results the people you choose as models are achieving for themselves before you consciously make the effort to start learning and doing what they do!

Here's a great example, a friend of mine has a clothing retail business situated in her local shopping center which she has run for over 5 years. She has a 3 year old daughter Emily who occasionally goes to work with her. One of Emily's favorite things to do is to play shop. She greets the customer, thanks them for their purchase and asks the customer how they'd like to pay; "Will that be cash or credit?". When Emily plays the customer, she goes to the wall and punches in her PIN number to get 'money out of the wall'. Where do you think she learned this behavior?
Nicole Clemow is the author and can provide additional information on teaching your kids the value of money and ways for them to earn it. Visit http://www.waysforkidstoearnmoney.org and get your free chapter from her "Teach Your Kids the Value of Money" book.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nicole_Clemow